[but all i want - is for you to SHINE - SHINE down on me - SHINE on this life - that's burning out]

I say a lot of things sometimes that don't come out right. (25)

[ and I act like I don't know why ]


 


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The Obligatory Public Post. 03:00 (p). 09.30th.2019



Mood: contented



This journal is now closed. The actual journal is over on DW, and all entries will be crossposted hence--friends-only. Comment here to be added.

If you need to find my work, you can find it at FFN or AO3.

14 bright rays of sunlight|shine on me


09:25 (p). 10.31st.2010

I just had the most godawful nightmare. In it, I was being fired from Receivia in a totally dsouchebag way. Except that Receivia was my local Bi-Lo, and I was told to go to "pharmacy" as in the pharmacy department.

And then an MOD from Geenlife sing-songed, "Badge, please." And I was like "Are you firing me?" "Yeah. You said hell, according to another employee."

Totally fucked up bogus nightmare.




Also, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

This entry is actually a crosspost of this one on DreamWidth; to reply, head here.



comment count unavailable have replied over there.


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meme 01:44 (p). 10.26th.2010



Mood: resigned

Ganked from [personal profile] telesilla: Out of curiosity, if I was chained up in your attic/study/basement/library/secret lair, and I had to write you one story, what would you ask for? Or alternately, what's something you always hoped I'd write but think isn't likely to happen?

This entry is actually a crosspost of this one on DreamWidth; to reply, head here.



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01:13 (p). 10.26th.2010



Mood: drained

No more riddles,
No more jests.
No more curses you can't undo,
Left by fathers you never knew...
No more quests.

No more feelings;
Time to shut the door.
Just -- no more.

Running away, let's do it --
Free from the ties that bind!
No more despair,
Or burdens to bear,
Out there in the yonder.

Running away -- go to it!
Where did you have in mind?
Have to take care:
Unless there's a "where,"
You'll only be wandering blind.
Just more questions;
Different kind.


This entry is actually a crosspost of this one on DreamWidth; to reply, head here.



comment count unavailable have replied over there.


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11:54 (p). 07.26th.2010

This is what you get when you combine that "one sentence from your WIPs" meme with open letters to your fics.

Dear "These Graces That Hold Me":

Please stop being so difficult to write. Also, please stop throwing Fang's verbal mannerisms into my everyday speech, thanks.

"There has to be a way," she says while the very beginnings of a plan spool together in her head, tightening tiny knots in the loose, unravelled mass of threads that her mind has become.




Dear "Gifts and Treasures":

Something needs to happen, damn you!

For all that this crumbling castle was brand new, was potentially lethal territory, following Yuffie was exquisitely familiar.




Dear "First My Left Foot":

An actual plot--or at least a few more specifics on the conflicts--would be nice. So would a first line.

For an instant Lightning entertained that idea that if she'd known this was what Fang and Vanille had meant by, "Wake up," she'd have stayed asleep.




Dear "Hollow Hearts":

Please, please, for the love of the Watergod, PLEASE decide whether you're an angsty examination of moving on/nightmares, or whether you're a moody (but snappily witty) exploration of nightmares, growing up, and friendhsips that become something up.

Vincent's 'do something about this' expression turned sour like vinegar, morphed from mild disapproval into full-blown 'You are a bad influence on children, I KNEW it.'

This entry is actually a crosspost of this one on DreamWidth; to reply, head here.



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09:57 (p). 06.28th.2010

And, just like that, up against a wall in two stories at once.

Current projects:

Hollow Hearts, Freed - Final Fantasy VII (mostly) OGC - Rated T - Yuffie, Vincent, Healin Behavioral Health Center, and the subject of moving Cloud to Mideel.  Oh yeah: and shouting, the Midgar Zolom, and leeches.  Can't forget the leeches.  Set after "Eight Portraits Of a Lady."

I'm stuck introducing the bit with the Midgar Zolom. (Don't ask. It'll all make sense in context.)

Gift And Treasures - Kingdom Hearts/FFVII Compilation/FFX/FFVIII (maybe) - Rated T to M - Yuffie finds a doll in black leather, Vincent gets his gun back, and Auron hates his (un)life. Oh yeah, and Hades ruins a party.

I'm stuck introducing the part that will eventually introduce the Dewprism. (Don't judge me! Threads of Fate references == win)

This entry is actually a crosspost of this one on DreamWidth; to reply, head here.



comment count unavailable have replied over there.


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03:29 (p). 06.21st.2010

You know what? I give up. Fandom fails at gender. Wiki nerds think that a skimpy outfit in a T-rated game somehow relates to whether or not cats show their genitalia, nobody wants to examine the widespread minimizing of female characters compounded by exaggeration of male characters, and people on FFR continually insist that making characters with tight reins on their emotions break down is somehow feminizing them.

Fuck that shit, yo.

This entry is actually a crosspost of this one on DreamWidth; to reply, head here.



comment count unavailable have replied over there.


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errr retraction 08:51 (p). 05.31st.2010

You know what I said last entry? I was wrong; this gods-be-damned browser does NOT support gDocs. Le sigh.

I still love it. /shifty-eyes

This entry is actually a crosspost of this one on DreamWidth; to reply, head here.



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08:25 (p). 05.31st.2010

Hey hey guess what.

I can use a USB keyboard with my PS3.

Making it even better? I can access Gdocs from my PS3. This purchase just keeps on justifying itself.

Not QUITE as good as delicious typewriter noise, but here if I need it.

Oh! And this baby rocks my music from my PC, not to mention Pandora. I really, really love this machine.

This entry is actually a crosspost of this one on DreamWidth; to reply, head here.



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11:13 (p). 05.23rd.2010

This is not my month. As if things weren't bad enough, I cut my left pinkie open tonight. Very, very bad cut. As in “eight stitches“ bad. A hair longer or deeper, and I would have lost the finger. I cut almost all the way around the finger.

As it is, I bled pretty horribly. I mean I soaked through the gauze, the paper barrier, dribbled a lake onto the plastic sub-barrier, and got both the NP's and her student's labcoats. When they finished, my palm was covered in blood.

Oh, and the worst of it? I'm left handed.

This entry is actually a crosspost of this one on DreamWidth; to reply, head here.



comment count unavailable have replied over there.


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Dear Ladyverse: Fuck you. 12:13 (p). 05.15th.2010

Snippet of the newest sequel to EIGHT PORTRAITS OF A LADY )




This damned thing wants to be a lyrical piece of pseudo-literature, when I wanted it to be a romcom.  Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

This entry is actually a crosspost of this one on DreamWidth; to reply, head here.



comment count unavailable have replied over there.


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02:04 (p). 05.9th.2010

You know, I was going to say that the scene in DoC where Shelke is confused but otherwise unaffected by Shalua's death and goes on to call the woman who died for her stupid apppears to have been mass-misinterpreted by people who do not understand that sometimes what you see is what you get. Yuffie wanting to slap Shelke for that is totally understandable. Misguided, sure, you could make a case for that, BUT A STILL A TOTALLY HUMAN REACTION. If I had been there, I would have just started hitting her and not stopped until Vincent had me in a damned vice grip.

Then I read UFB. I really honestly do not understand [personal profile] thenyxie. Legal action is not required for proof of misconduct. Nor does proof need to be given in this situation. Conventions are private events--they are by no means obligated to allow [personal profile] thenyxie entrance. They aren't even obligated to say why.

And the victim blaming? Not remotely acceptable. Not wanting to face the idea that somebody involved in a sexual situation with you was profoundly uncomfortable--uncomfortable enough to talk to con managers about it--is human. But the appropriate reaction is, "God, I'm so sorry! That was never our intention, and we'd like to know how exactly this discomfort-ball got rolling so it never happens again." Screeching, victim-blaming, and hyper aggression are NOT the answer, and actual adults would see that.

3 bright rays of sunlight|shine on me



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Iron Man II 11:26 (p). 05.7th.2010

Initial verdict: hottest fight scenes since TDK, one of which went to a WAY badass special agent/technically-not-a-kunoichi-but-very-like-one, and Pepper and said badass were way competent and amazing, and the villain managed to be endearing despite being a bastard.

Also funny as hell.

Wasn't too sure about Don Cheadle taking the role of Rhodie (since Terrance Howard, god forgive me for what is most likely a misspelling, was so superfantastisch as Rhodie in the original), but he blew me away.

I would totes buy the DVD.

3 bright rays of sunlight|shine on me



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01:00 (p). 05.2nd.2010

So, Arizona has gotten even more faily. And you know what? For all that I fucking hate Tennessee, at least we're not Arizona.

The things I would like to do to that state. JFC, people. Is being a decent human being so hard?




In other news, I just mainlined Season One of Criminal Minds and am on the second episode of season two. Right now, I'm loving every single female character in addition to Hotch and Reid.

1 bright ray of sunlight|shine on me



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10:17 (p). 04.23rd.2010

Quick 1500 word snapshot of what's happening in Keeping Faith.

JFC Avert Your Eeeeeeeeyes )

shine on me



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11:19 (p). 04.5th.2010

Reason seven hundred and seven not to interact with text when you're in the ambozone.



This shit is trippy. I can't even read anymore. Everything is curved and curling in like little seashell spirals and--

And I'm not making sense.

Nothing left but optical illusions and sleep.

5 bright rays of sunlight|shine on me



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Yet another entry for the "Shit Nobody Cares About" files... 08:15 (p). 04.1st.2010

For anyone who was wondering just what the hell is up with "Catch Me"--which, let's face it, was maybe [personal profile] leviathanmirror since she's the only person I've discussed the project with--I have finally completed the Kenshin-Sano-Hyottoko-Beshimi-surprise!Hannya fight in chapter four.

That means it's time to start plotting the denouement (which, lolariously, is on the outline exactly like so: "ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN OF ULTIMATE DESTINY. Denouement.") I'll be over here biting my nails, because all I know is, ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN OF ULTIMATE DESTINY, gee it's a good thing somebody had zipties, and I strongly suspect Kanryuu is going to catch Jouto Fever because A) MOAR POKEMON REFERENCES and B) HWAHAHAHA RIGHT IN THE NANITE INNOCULATION, YOU CREEPY BASTARD.

On the other hand, how Misao is going to get her space ship is really bugging me.

Endings are fucking hard.

(Yes, I'm bitching about the ending, despite Megumi not having been mindraped into running back to Kanryuu's business, and also despite chapter four not being over when this thing is going to be at least seven chapters.)

Also, if Hannya does not stop staring at my plot trying to determine the best way to rain fish on it, I will be very angry. STOP THAT.

shine on me



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Color me confused. 07:39 (a). 03.5th.2010

So I got an email from somebody who's been in the FFVII/YxV fandom for a while asking me if I wanted to read his fic, which would be based on "Chinese/Korean folkore" (which... what? I'm no expert on either China or Korea, but I'm 99.99% sure they're culturally distinct enough that smushing their folklore together with a slash is not appropriate).

When I respond that I don't have time to beta or test read somebody else's fanfiction, he replies that he wasn't emailing me to ask me to beta/test read. He was just asking if I wanted to read it.

What? Can somebody please explain this logic to me? I do not grok this "let me email somebody I've never spoken to before ever and ask them if they wanted to read my fanfic" idea. If I wanted to read your fanfic, I would be reading your fanfic, especially since you're an unavoidable name in a comparitively small corner of a shared fandom.

shine on me



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Dear everyone 12:36 (p). 03.3rd.2010

If you love me, you won't let me write a crossover of Assassin's Creed and post-4 Die Hard. Especially since I should be writing "A Recounting of the Damage Done," for femmefest, "Gifts And Treasures" because I've been avoiding it, and original work, because I need to.

Somebody tell me I am not allowed to open FFXIII's jewel case until I have at least written "A Recounting of the Damage Done."

1 bright ray of sunlight|shine on me



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meme shamelessly stolen from vincentvalentine 02:33 (p). 02.24th.2010

1) Make a list of fifteen characters first, and keep it to yourself for the moment. (That way you're not leading the questions asked to fit the characters.)

2) Ask your f-list to post questions in the comments.

For example:

'One, Nine, Eleven and Fifteen are chosen by a prophecy to save the world from Four. Do they succeed?'
'Under what circumstances might Five and Seven fall in love?'
'Which character on the list would you most want on your side in a zombie invasion?'
'What would Two experience in Silent Hill?'
'What Pokémon would Eight have?'
'Write a drabble in which Two and Twelve FIGHT CRIME.'

1 bright ray of sunlight|shine on me



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07:24 (p). 02.20th.2010

Starting a game of Assassin's Creed II.

Nevermind, AC2 can lick my fuzzy blue asshole. I'd rather let Killer Croc eat me and use my ribcage for toothpicks.

1 bright ray of sunlight|shine on me


quick, somebody think of an appopriate YGO:Abridged quote! 05:25 (p). 02.17th.2010

Dear LJ:

Plz to not give me panic attacks again, kthx.

Having a heart attack at not one but three emails spread across two email accounts thanking me for a payment I don't recall making and don't recall the exact price of when I just bought a PS3 and made my student loan payment is amazingly enough not full of lulz.




Dear VistA:

Why are you suddenly asking me to run the ACM Claims Auditor at the end of all my rx claims when you never did before?




Dear Final Fantasy XIII: Fabula Nova Crystallis Localizing Team c/o Squaresoft-Enix USA:

If you excised the f/f subtext, I will end you all, yes, even if your leader was Alexander O Smith. Nothing, not even a translation as beautiful as Vagrant Story, will save you from my internetty wrath.

This entry is actually a crosspost of this one on DreamWidth; to reply, head here.



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Seriously, I'm getting goddamn tired of this. 01:31 (p). 02.11th.2010

Dear [personal profile] zvi:

I think you need to step back and reexamine your actions and your motives. Because it looks to me like you've got yourself in a hole, and rather than jump out of it, you're just continuing to dig.

Do you understand that your post in your journal about this tangent makes up a part of the larger imbroglio? Do you understand that people, in following the larger imbroglio, will re-direct their attention to your post, because you have positioned it as being a part of the larger discussion at hand?

I'm a late-comer to this, but from what I understand, the entry in question would not have received much attention--if any at all--had it not been posted to [community profile] linkspam, and had the resulting kerfuffle not been posted to [community profile] metafandom.

It is completely permissible to rabbit trail on a personal journal. That's half of what they're for. And if you rabbit trail on your personal journal, you're not hurting anything. You're not shutting down anybody else's conversations. You're not making a discussion between or about other parties all about you.

If the user in question had posted links to that entry here, back, and beyond indicating that it should be part of the discussion, you would have a point. If the user in question had invaded somebody else's meta post and gone off on this tangent, or had deliberately re-directed someone else's conversation, you would have a point.

But from all indications I've seen, the user in question did none of that.

Not everybody wants to be part of every conversation all the time. I will say this again: not everybody wants to be part of every conversation all the time, and it is ridiculous that you would drag someone into a fight they didn't agree to enter.

This user didn't even have the option to say, "Please take that link down, I don't want to be part of this discussion."

The party who linked the "derailing" entry was [community profile] linkspam. If [community profile] linkspam felt that the post was only tangentially related, it had the option of not linking. To decide to link a tangentially related post, tag it as "derailing," and then offer no recourse for the link's removal is, gasp shock surprise, appropriating somebody else's content.

Let's try that again, just to make absolutely sure my logic is clear. [community profile] linkspam took something that was not [community profile] linkspam's, without permission, and posted it under a label one hundred percent sure to offend--again without permission--thus using content for [community profile] linkspam's own purposes in a way it had not been intended.

What exactly would you call that?

1 bright ray of sunlight|shine on me



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the boringest post I've ever boringly posted, no lie 05:05 (p). 02.9th.2010

Dear everyone:

HA HA HA DISREGARD MY PREVIOUS POST I [INSERT ACTIVITY HERE].

Also, I am the biggest moron on this side of the planet (....well, second-biggest, Sarah Palin is pretty damn dumb).




In other news, recent meta has sharpened my appetite for dealing with the Shadowsverse crew. They are all a bunch of assholes, except for Corentin and Cazgo (one of whom has her own issues involving her demon semi-fiance and the other of whom works very, very hard to seem like a brainless surferdude goofball), and I love them anyway (except for Dereth, who somehow manages to play the "abusive dad," "clueless ex," and "that's CAPTAIN rigid tightass to you" cards all at once--no, don't ask me to explain).

[personal profile] kaigou's recent post (for a value of "recent" that includes "in the past six months") has gotten me thinking about white/black~bright/dark~right-hand/left-hand symbolism, and the way I use it in Shadowsverse.

To drop into TV Tropes parlance, Shadowsverse itself is a trainwreck of three tropes: Dark Is Not Evil, Light Is Not Good, and Good Is Not Nice. There is very specific color symbolism: black magicians and white mgicians, one is "evil," and one is "good." Thanks to the color symbolism, the 'verse may read as a Pointed Look at racism, especially since all the major recurring characters are PoCs. But the truth is, Shadowsverse is, at its core, about religion.

But the major points of the 'verse have always been: A) "people" as a rule are roughly the same on the good/evil scale, B) good and evil get a lot murkier when you're riding the high horse of a cause or religion, and C) people atop the high horses of causes/religions tend to do more harm than good.

It's my angry "Seven years in Christian schooling SD:LKHSG:HGH I HATE CHRISTIANS WILL THEY ALL PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP" screed, in book form. Because if there was one thing I saw, over and over and over, repeated ad nauseum by not only students but teachers, professors, chapel speakers, parents, was the complete and total erasure of other faiths, other creeds. The people on the "right-hand" path couldn't fucking get the idea through their heads that the the rest of the world followed a separate path, and they could scream themselves hoarse and never change a thing, nor have any right to.

And at some point, I started formulating a world where the left-hand path was in control and always had been, where the right-hand path was shown to be just as vicious, just as hurtful, just as destructive as the left-hand path at its worst.

But thanks to [personal profile] kaigou's post, I'm starting to wonder: am I derailing or co-opting racial discussion by using deliberate colour symbolism to make a different point? Or does the implied point that "black/dark/left-hand" and "white/light/right-hand" are ultimately nothing more than labels make it permissible?

shine on me



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So angry I can't even -- CAUTION: HORRIBLE PERSON-HOOD FOLLOWING 03:07 (p). 02.8th.2010

Seriously, I am so angry I feel like my eyeballs are sizzling in my skull.

I actively wish harm on this woman. And her husband. I wish their son had been "a block of fetal tissue." I wish she had nearly lost her life to due to her complicated pregnancy.

At the very least, I wish she would fucking 'fess up and admit that she didn't fucking have a choice, because there is no such fucking choice in the Philippines. Any sort of premature termination of a pregnancy is strictly outlawed except when the mother is in clear and present immediate danger. No, not even in cases of incest or rape.

Translation? No doctor in the Philippines would ever have said, "Yeah, that's not a baby, let's just scrape that out." ON PAIN OF LOSS OF LICENSE AND SIX YEARS IN PRISON.

Oh, and there's not much in the way of contraception or specialized neonatal/postnatal care. Not even in Manila. So if they hadn't wanted a baby, or darling Timmy had had birth defects, they'd have been SOL.

I love the country my family is from, but it is fucked up and I will not pretend it isn't.

(Then again, my views on abortion may be somewhat skewed: in the Meiji Era [which is where nearly all of my mental time has been invested as of late thanks to re~search~], women would simply kill infants they couldn't [or didn't want to] care for. Infants. Newborns. It wasn't even a crime, just a sad necessity. Abortion seems a hell of a lot better than that, to me.)

shine on me